FSM Media

by Dianna Ranere

My Heart Breaks For You…….

Yesterday, the brand new start of the New Year, should have been filled with love, and promise and dreams of what the new year could bring. My family was enjoying the first day of the year but another family in our neighborhood was not.

I was sitting here working, as always, when I was startled by a loud boom, my initial thought was that something exploded, perhaps someone lighting fireworks really close to the house, but this boom was different somehow. I raced to the front door to see if everything was ok, all the while asking everyone in the house if they had heard it – no one did but me. I thought perhaps it was a car backfiring? In a matter of minutes I was in my kitchen looking out the back window when I saw the glowing red and blue lights emanating from several police cars on the block beside our home. Neighbors were gathering, police were shining flashlights into cars, and my curiosity was mounting. I was creating all kinds of scenarios in my head – maybe someone hit a parked car, maybe someones water heater had exploded, never imagining the horror that I would soon find out.

I saw the police tape going across the street, police blocking the road and more and more neighbors gathering about. Finally, my husband went outside to find out what was going on, he was not prepared for what he would hear…… when he came back into the house he face was ashen, he looked drained, like he had witnessed something unimaginable…… a little old neighbor lady had told him what had happened…. our neighbor, the father of one of my sons friends, had committed suicide on his front lawn, he had shot himself, in front of his 12 year old son……..I fell back against the counter, grasping it as I caught my breath and said “what?”, I thought maybe I didn’t hear him right, but I knew I did, my heart sunk as I recalled in my head how this little boy, the same age as my son, would always talk about his Dad when he was over our house, always.

The minute’s after I couldn’t figure out what to do, my first reaction was sadness for that little boy and his Mom – what must have gone on in that house leading up to that moment?….. I felt sick, physically sick, imagining it in my head and having it so very close to our home was surreal. Then I turned to my son, he had tears in his eyes and the confusion and hurt was written all over his face, he was in shock, we all were. He was hurting for his friend and I was hurting for all of them…….

Apparently, the father was upset over having lost his job, although one aspect of it, I am sure there had to be so much more going on. I spent the remainder of the night reaching out to people online who offered prayers and support, I guess trying to wrap my head around what had just happened in our quiet little neighborhood. The sound is haunting me now, the sound of someone ending their life…. I went from being shocked, to sad, to angry at what this man just put his son and wife through. I will never understand it, never…..My heart breaks for the boy and his mom and I wish there was something I could do but sadly I know their world has changed forever and they will never be the same becuase of the actions his father took, one selfish action….

****Update: More facts are coming in about what happened, he did not do it in front of his son, the front door was closed  – the wife discovered what he did, the son did not, for that I am thankful but still….