Tomorrow is Mother’s Day and my husband’s birthday and it is going to be a struggle in both respects. My husband has to work, all day, so no celebrating for him, we did however go out yesterday and had our own little celebration of sorts with a family day trip. It was nice just spending the day together as a family, no deadlines, no schedule, no having to depend on anyone else’s either – it was fabulous.
The other struggle is my personal struggle. My Mom passed in 2006 after along and drawn out illness ending in a decision my sister and I had to make, that no children should ever have to make regardless of their ages. Also with the death of our dog Tessie two days ago, it makes it even harder. Tessie was my Mom’s dog, they both lived with us, so when Mom passed, we continued to take care of Tessie of course.
This is where my sadness and feelings of loss just come full circle. Since my Mom’s passing, I have had an extremely hard time dealing. She was and always will be my best friend, we had a relationship like no other and no one will ever replace the bond that we had – it went so much further than just Mother and Daughter. Losing Tessie the other day was like losing that last connection to my Mother and brought all of the raw feelings right back to the surface. I feel lost all over again.
I know that my memories will always be there, but honestly, it isn’t a comfort. Those of you who have lost their Mother’s know what I am talking about, it’s a deep down pain that never subsides, ever.
I know that tomorrow will be hard so I will look forward to my children giving me homemade cards and trinkets they have made and hide the sadness I am feeling …. for them. After all, I am “their” Mother and I want them to always have fond memories of me to last a lifetime.
